Still the Eulogy...

Still writing a eulogy. And there's still a week to go. It seems an unimaginably long time since mum died, and in fact it's been a fortnight. All told it will be three weeks from death to burial which is a ridiculous length of time. In Ireland you're in the earth in three days, which is far too soon. About a week seems both respectful, will allow people time to arrange the funeral and travel, and doesn't leave the family achingly up in the air and lacking closure for the best part of a month. 

I've been writing the eulogy. 800 words. Ten words for every year she was alive. I've had to leave a lot  out. There are a lot of stories about my mum, some of them "too risky for TV" as Jim Davidson would have it. (My mum had no business with Jim Davidson. Let's be absolutely clear about that). My mother was the sort of person who could generate memories. Stuff happened when she was around. She was a catalyst for events. Like a small war would be. 

No, its not the stories. Its the leaving out stuff that's the problem. And the tone. I want the eulogy to be light. The funeral is set up to be a bit dry. That's fine, she would want a proper solemn occasion, and she did love a good mass, with hymns and bidding prayers and a bell, and all the stand up, sit down, kneel before the Lord choreography. There's a cremation afterwards, and the music I've chosen for that is stately, elegant and dignified...and then there's going to be "Danny Boy" and everybody will be in helpless tears, because that's what that music does to people. And that's good. It's cathartic. There are opioids released in your brain after a good cry - you'll feel better, jacked up on nature's chemical high. That crescendo of keening and wailing is good for everybody - we can all bond in our grief. 

But that's not what the eulogy is for, at least not what my eulogy is for. Most eulogies read like a CV: they were born here, they did this for coin, these were their hobbies. My mum was a laugh. Her eulogy should reflect that. She was funny. I'm going to try and give some sense of that at her funeral service. The tone will be warm and affectionate and sad. I'm not going for disrespectful or edgy. I don't want to hear elderly whispered voices from the back of the hall hissing "That is not suitable!"

I might get them, mind. I don't know. I've never written a eulogy for my mother before. Its a bit of a one off. I'm writing it for my family, but most of all I'm writing it for my Mum. She loved to hear stories of her past shenanigans being told and retold. She relived them. And I want her to relive them again, even in absentia. 

She was a one off, my mum.