Ad Hominem Attack
Donald Trump is a signifier of every thing that is wrong with the world. He's so handy. Its all there! He's a one-stop-shop of human failing. It is difficult to imagine anyone quite so lacking in redeeming qualities. Even Bond villains have a bit of polish and charm. You can imagine Blofeld and Drax hiding behind their newspapers when Donald bowls into the country club.
He's such a convenient repository for cupidity and malevolence that once again you start to suspect there's something more going on: this presidency is a hoax, he's a guileless puppet, Russia is ball-deep in this. But then you're doing exactly what he wants you to do. You're playing his game. He wants you to disappear down some paranoid, truther rabbit hole. His method is misinformation: fake hoaxes, real hoaxes, the proposal of muscular ignorance. He will enter a room full of qualified men (no girls allowed), listen to the first three words of any sentence directed at him...and then just go with his gut. The leader of the free world is a 70 year old digestive tract.
He is the vulgarian's vulgarian: a born millionaire with the sensibility of a lottery winner. And yes that is a terrible disservice to lottery winners. If you've been poor all your life and you're suddenly presented with a dazzlingly huge amount of money for nothing then you are entitled to go mental. Imagine waking up in the morning and realising you can buy anything! Donald Trump has had that his entire life - you wouldn't think he would feel the need to show off his trophy wife (engraved) or his Swarovski crystal fanny pack. But he does. He needs the display. The trappings of his wealth are his armour. If he shits a happy meal into a solid gold toilet every day he must be successful.
Dolly Parton said of herself, employing the sort of charming self-deprecation that Trump couldn't even comprehend, "it takes a lot of money to look this cheap". Donald Trump doesn't even look good cheap. I think you can assume his suits are expensive and made for him, so one has to ask what is his body is doing to them to make them hang so poorly: they bulge and sag like a mail-sack.* He looks like he gets his suits tailored in prison and the prisoners know who they're working for!
Donald Trump's face, with its fish-belly eye bags looks like the worst type of Aspen tan. Its like a balaclava of wotsit dust: I don't know how he hasn't been devoured by seagulls when standing at the open air podium. Trump's hair is one of The Seven Shit Wonders of the Modern World, up there with the Mediterranean Sea's Plastic Pollution and the novels of E L James. It has a consistency somewhere between shredded wheat and loft insulation. He looks as if he's working through a childhood trauma, remembering when he was dunked headfirst into a candy floss machine at the county fair. As if Trump ever worked through anything in his life. Except paid company...
I can't imagine, and it is my failing, what it must be like to be Donald Trump. I can't imagine what his value system is, should he have one. Clearly he doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. And he doesn't care if you don't like him - that's your problem. But, and I think this key - he doesn't understand why you don't like him. It worries him. It upsets his gut. He hits the Rennie Deflatine hard. This is why he won't listen to experts, won't stick to the script, will engage in cheerless, moronic spats with people in public, but he will stick around. He will give you access, he will let you ask him as many questions as you like as long as you appear to be nice to him. Trump believes that everyone will come to love Trump as long as they get enough Trump. The only subject that Donald knows anything about is Donald and the admiration shown to Donald. He knows nothing about all that Presidential shit and he doesn't care. Facts and figures? Fuck 'em. Its Donald that's going to win it.
He's a moron. He has no discernible inner life. He can't construct a sentence. People who don't agree with him are "nasty". That's the level of discourse. He clings to his notion of business like Linus and his security blanket, as though the toxic notion of bludgeoning a mythical corporate enemy is the only thing a president has to do. His handling of the Corona virus pandemic should have been career ending: he did nothing, he claimed it was nothing and when he eventually had to act it exposed the full horror of the American Dream, with millions of people suddenly out of work and thousands unable to pay for hospital treatment. When criticised he called doctors "whiny" and (at the point of writing) threatened to remove funding from the WHO for "not telling him what was going on. They dropped the ball on this one." His credibility should be in tatters but instead he seems to be more popular. He is the poster-boy for ignorance, the exemplar of loud-mouthed, wilful stupidity and if I were writing this anywhere else but the UK I would be looking on in uncomprehending horror.
But I am in the UK and we have our own albino, bonsai version of Trump, suddenly full of praise for a NHS he was a party to dismantling and asking us to clap and make charitable donations to an institution he has cut the funding for a decade. As of today a 99 year old man has raised £16 million for the NHS by dragging his ancient body round and round his garden. What an amazing man and what an astonishing feat, and watch the government co opt it just as they stole the genuine solidarity and feeling that came from clapping the key workers. When I see Eamonn "5G" Holmes endorsing it on Breakfast Television and trying to make people clap along to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You" I cant help get the feeling we've been cheated. The BBC are doing a Children in Need style fundraiser, which is all very laudable BUT WHERE IS THE GOVERNMENT? The NHS is not a charity. It is the actual health service for the country! Getting the public to pay again for the heath service they've already paid for should be shameful to a government who have been in power for a decade, who laugh in the face of pay rises for the nurses who are now the nation's heroes. They're thinking of giving them a little badge.**
And Boris is happy to front it all as virus face. He may not be a poster boy for the new ignorance, but surely he should be on a stamp.
I wouldn't lick it.
*yes, this could well refer to a scrotum.
** Further investigation reveals they are not, in fact, thinking of giving them a little badge. You're meant to buy one and wear it to show you care about the NHS. If you buy one of these and you voted Conservative you should be spontaneously engulfed in flame.
He's such a convenient repository for cupidity and malevolence that once again you start to suspect there's something more going on: this presidency is a hoax, he's a guileless puppet, Russia is ball-deep in this. But then you're doing exactly what he wants you to do. You're playing his game. He wants you to disappear down some paranoid, truther rabbit hole. His method is misinformation: fake hoaxes, real hoaxes, the proposal of muscular ignorance. He will enter a room full of qualified men (no girls allowed), listen to the first three words of any sentence directed at him...and then just go with his gut. The leader of the free world is a 70 year old digestive tract.
He is the vulgarian's vulgarian: a born millionaire with the sensibility of a lottery winner. And yes that is a terrible disservice to lottery winners. If you've been poor all your life and you're suddenly presented with a dazzlingly huge amount of money for nothing then you are entitled to go mental. Imagine waking up in the morning and realising you can buy anything! Donald Trump has had that his entire life - you wouldn't think he would feel the need to show off his trophy wife (engraved) or his Swarovski crystal fanny pack. But he does. He needs the display. The trappings of his wealth are his armour. If he shits a happy meal into a solid gold toilet every day he must be successful.
Dolly Parton said of herself, employing the sort of charming self-deprecation that Trump couldn't even comprehend, "it takes a lot of money to look this cheap". Donald Trump doesn't even look good cheap. I think you can assume his suits are expensive and made for him, so one has to ask what is his body is doing to them to make them hang so poorly: they bulge and sag like a mail-sack.* He looks like he gets his suits tailored in prison and the prisoners know who they're working for!
Donald Trump's face, with its fish-belly eye bags looks like the worst type of Aspen tan. Its like a balaclava of wotsit dust: I don't know how he hasn't been devoured by seagulls when standing at the open air podium. Trump's hair is one of The Seven Shit Wonders of the Modern World, up there with the Mediterranean Sea's Plastic Pollution and the novels of E L James. It has a consistency somewhere between shredded wheat and loft insulation. He looks as if he's working through a childhood trauma, remembering when he was dunked headfirst into a candy floss machine at the county fair. As if Trump ever worked through anything in his life. Except paid company...
I can't imagine, and it is my failing, what it must be like to be Donald Trump. I can't imagine what his value system is, should he have one. Clearly he doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. And he doesn't care if you don't like him - that's your problem. But, and I think this key - he doesn't understand why you don't like him. It worries him. It upsets his gut. He hits the Rennie Deflatine hard. This is why he won't listen to experts, won't stick to the script, will engage in cheerless, moronic spats with people in public, but he will stick around. He will give you access, he will let you ask him as many questions as you like as long as you appear to be nice to him. Trump believes that everyone will come to love Trump as long as they get enough Trump. The only subject that Donald knows anything about is Donald and the admiration shown to Donald. He knows nothing about all that Presidential shit and he doesn't care. Facts and figures? Fuck 'em. Its Donald that's going to win it.
He's a moron. He has no discernible inner life. He can't construct a sentence. People who don't agree with him are "nasty". That's the level of discourse. He clings to his notion of business like Linus and his security blanket, as though the toxic notion of bludgeoning a mythical corporate enemy is the only thing a president has to do. His handling of the Corona virus pandemic should have been career ending: he did nothing, he claimed it was nothing and when he eventually had to act it exposed the full horror of the American Dream, with millions of people suddenly out of work and thousands unable to pay for hospital treatment. When criticised he called doctors "whiny" and (at the point of writing) threatened to remove funding from the WHO for "not telling him what was going on. They dropped the ball on this one." His credibility should be in tatters but instead he seems to be more popular. He is the poster-boy for ignorance, the exemplar of loud-mouthed, wilful stupidity and if I were writing this anywhere else but the UK I would be looking on in uncomprehending horror.
But I am in the UK and we have our own albino, bonsai version of Trump, suddenly full of praise for a NHS he was a party to dismantling and asking us to clap and make charitable donations to an institution he has cut the funding for a decade. As of today a 99 year old man has raised £16 million for the NHS by dragging his ancient body round and round his garden. What an amazing man and what an astonishing feat, and watch the government co opt it just as they stole the genuine solidarity and feeling that came from clapping the key workers. When I see Eamonn "5G" Holmes endorsing it on Breakfast Television and trying to make people clap along to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You" I cant help get the feeling we've been cheated. The BBC are doing a Children in Need style fundraiser, which is all very laudable BUT WHERE IS THE GOVERNMENT? The NHS is not a charity. It is the actual health service for the country! Getting the public to pay again for the heath service they've already paid for should be shameful to a government who have been in power for a decade, who laugh in the face of pay rises for the nurses who are now the nation's heroes. They're thinking of giving them a little badge.**
And Boris is happy to front it all as virus face. He may not be a poster boy for the new ignorance, but surely he should be on a stamp.
I wouldn't lick it.
*yes, this could well refer to a scrotum.
** Further investigation reveals they are not, in fact, thinking of giving them a little badge. You're meant to buy one and wear it to show you care about the NHS. If you buy one of these and you voted Conservative you should be spontaneously engulfed in flame.
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