And it's not about you joggers...
Thoughtfulness. Kindness. Empathy.
Basic human decency.
Abiding by the social contract.
That's what I miss about the past. Those crazy, hazy, lazy days of summer, when the sun always shone and you could leave your door unlocked, and policemen clouted you round the ear and let you off, and everybody was a friend and we were all in it together and the ARP warden would bellow "Turn that bleedin' light out" and we'd link arms and sing Auld Lang Syne and rustle up powdered eggs Benedict in the army surplus wok.
Simpler, gentler times. People aren't like that now, not like they were in the fictional nonsense past I've just invented.
Except, actually, they sort of are. People are doing pretty well at the moment. They are mostly not being dicks. They are putting teddy bears and rainbows in their windows, which might be twee but I don't care. They are applauding the N H S - which is over subscribed, underfunded and heroically self sacrificing in the face of the pandemic. People are staying in their homes, finally. They are listening. They are doing the right thing.
Except joggers.
Red faced, sweating, huffing and spitting joggers tearing up the pavements, never stopping and bringing the social distancing fight to YOU. The selfish, ignorant pricks. I'm sorry but joggers are the new vermin. If we can cull badgers then we can take down the joggers - no badger ever gave me T.B. but a thick-legged, puce middle-management consultant, steaming from his nostrils and flobbing generously on the pavement he has commandeered for his personal use is a positive social danger. Who knows what broiling contagion is emanating from him like a miasmic halo? These people are sweaty Pig-pens of disease and they should cease and desist and fuck off while they're doing it.
I get you're bored. I get that you want to maintain your fitness. I get that you're allowed out once a day for your health regime. I get that you have no internal life. That's fine. But have some respect for other people. The pavements were not built for jogging during a pandemic. They are not wide, they have blind corners, there are railings at junctions. Your pounding along, refusing to change speed, perspiring and expectorating like a professional footballer is now a fucking health hazard and you need to change your selfish ways.
Also, spitting in the street is disgusting even when there is no pandemic. What the fuck is wrong with you, you pig. Unless, I suppose, you got T. B. from a badger.
Basic human decency.
Abiding by the social contract.
That's what I miss about the past. Those crazy, hazy, lazy days of summer, when the sun always shone and you could leave your door unlocked, and policemen clouted you round the ear and let you off, and everybody was a friend and we were all in it together and the ARP warden would bellow "Turn that bleedin' light out" and we'd link arms and sing Auld Lang Syne and rustle up powdered eggs Benedict in the army surplus wok.
Simpler, gentler times. People aren't like that now, not like they were in the fictional nonsense past I've just invented.
Except, actually, they sort of are. People are doing pretty well at the moment. They are mostly not being dicks. They are putting teddy bears and rainbows in their windows, which might be twee but I don't care. They are applauding the N H S - which is over subscribed, underfunded and heroically self sacrificing in the face of the pandemic. People are staying in their homes, finally. They are listening. They are doing the right thing.
Except joggers.
Red faced, sweating, huffing and spitting joggers tearing up the pavements, never stopping and bringing the social distancing fight to YOU. The selfish, ignorant pricks. I'm sorry but joggers are the new vermin. If we can cull badgers then we can take down the joggers - no badger ever gave me T.B. but a thick-legged, puce middle-management consultant, steaming from his nostrils and flobbing generously on the pavement he has commandeered for his personal use is a positive social danger. Who knows what broiling contagion is emanating from him like a miasmic halo? These people are sweaty Pig-pens of disease and they should cease and desist and fuck off while they're doing it.
I get you're bored. I get that you want to maintain your fitness. I get that you're allowed out once a day for your health regime. I get that you have no internal life. That's fine. But have some respect for other people. The pavements were not built for jogging during a pandemic. They are not wide, they have blind corners, there are railings at junctions. Your pounding along, refusing to change speed, perspiring and expectorating like a professional footballer is now a fucking health hazard and you need to change your selfish ways.
Also, spitting in the street is disgusting even when there is no pandemic. What the fuck is wrong with you, you pig. Unless, I suppose, you got T. B. from a badger.
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