A Consumers Guide to Ballyhackamore 28.11.23 Part 2

 "Okay, so we start on the other side of the road now, going back on ourselves, with a drive-thru fast food outlet favouring finger lickin' fowl, let's just leave it at that. There's a school here, so we're just going to scoot past the school. It's a girl's school - they do that here. "Nihil Obstat", which is, I guess, "No Obstacles" or something like that. No idea. "No stone in my pathway". I dunno. "Nihil Obstat"? "No Obstetrician On Site?"

"We start with yet another pizza shop. This one is widely rumoured to be a front for a paramilitary gang, but you didn't hear it from me. Then there's a cycling shop. Then a cafe and a health food store. Next to that - very much not a health food store - is an Indian takeaway that looks pretty basic, but I've heard good things. I've not been in."

"Just crossing another entrance to that school - no obstacle - there's some sort of anonymous, industrial building here. I've no idea, brown, no windows, no glass. Like a sort of Ministry of Fear, sort of thing. That's what you can see from the windows of the pub opposite, which is lovely."

"An extra roomy "Glider Halt"...and we're on to the NEXT pizza shop, which has an outside area, not currently being used, then again, nor is the interior. Not a bugger in there. Is it even open? Can't tell. The lights are on, but nobody's home. I mean, it's a Tuesday. Restaurants often have the Monday off but in Belfast they often have the Tuesday off as well."

"Here's another pseudo-Italian restaurant. There's somebody in there. They're not eating. There's an iron grill over the bar. They're not going to shift much ravioli like that. Now there's a "hot food bar". That's how it describes itself. And next to that a Chinese takeaway, which is open. No one's in there but I once had some very nice crab cakes from there, so it's so it's thumbs up from John. Another kitchen interiors shop, a Bao Bun place. Locked. Yet another gentleman's hairstylist. Dead shop, don't know what that was. A frozen yogurt bar. Don't understand the appeal. "

"Moving down along the side streets, there...someone has emblazoned their entire house with fairy lights. For Christmas? I assume so. It's not even too early now - it's less than a month - so I can't slag them off. Well...Ah, a church! That'll be a recurring theme. This one is...doesn't tell me what type, but the can't all be Presbyterian, surely...horrible mural...er, dead...Mexican...restaurant. A florist has a full on candy cane Christmas display. Fair play. That looks...well, not tacky, looks okay, actually. Bit American. Travel agent. No one in there again. Lapland 2024: over a thousand pounds. Whereas you can get a Budapest city break - £370, which isn't bad. Budapest. Wouldn't mind going. What's this? Another estate agent. Mortgage advice. Just desolate these places. Just two people in there and no one talks to anyone. A Thai and Japanese restaurant. Never tried it, it's quite new. Would you believe it? ANOTHER estate agent - people just be buying houses. They love it. A larger restaurant that describes itself as "Modern European", at which I've repeatedly got bad service. I once mentioned that on Facebook and someone sent me a private message saying "Don't say that - they've been really lovely to me and my son." And that kind of makes it worse. What's wrong with me? Is my money no good there? I would say, above the restaurant there is another hairdresser's, a recovery clinic - I don't know what that means - deep tissue massage and cupping therapy...a...chiropody place...and another hair salon. Wow! It's all in there. Lovely therapeutic warren."

"This is like an ice cream shop. An ice cream shop in November. It's got more people in than the restaurants. No wonder they can't be arsed to open on a Tuesday. There's a small barber's I've never seen before...a dressmaking and alterations place...a brows and lashes bar, which has a sign in the window saying "Support Girl Gangs", which I'm not sure I do..."

"Over the road: a grooming studio. For dogs, not paedophiles. I'm assuming - it's strongly implied. There are drawings of dogs, not paedophiles. There's an Airsoft thing. Don't really know what that is. They sell "gas pistols" which sounds terrifying. Then there's a "Vape Bunker". Wow! This is a shithole, isn't it, really. There's a working men's club - next to the gas pellet gun shop - which has an Indian restaurant in it, and a jazz night, every Friday! Didn't expect that! There's an arts and creative consultancy above - would you believe - a travel agents! Next to that is a hairdresser's, but that might be closed. The shutters are down. Next to that another restaurant - we're in the restaurant district now -  next to that a solicitors...and advocate. Twin-ply, there! Another...ooh, it's a mortgage shop. Sour looking people in there. Doing nothing. A kebab shop with a picture of Ali Baba outside. Old school. Next to that an Indian restaurant that looks like it's in the middle of being...changed...next to that a Chinese takeaway...next to that another pizzeria...they know what they like round here."

"And, we're coming to the end, sort of. There's another pub - it's the one that keeps getting burnt out. Yeah, Ballyhackamore has only two pubs. It's supposed to be fashionable and cool. But two pubs. Both quite small. Yeah, I think that's it. There's just a church from here on in. I don't think there are any more shops. That's pretty much it. That's Ballyhack. Ballysnackamore. Two pubs. Couple of the restaurants have closed down. Quite a few pizzerias and estate agents. If you want to buy houses, eating a slice Ballhack is the place to be. I once took my mum to this church for Christmas and she really liked it. So that's nice."