Kittens of Distinction

 Ricky Gervais has a new comedy series out. YES! It's called Alley Cats. It's on Netflix. It's a cartoon about talking cats swearing and being profound and then swearing again. I don't have Netflix - and it is possible not to have Netflix - so I won't be tuning in. But I have seen a clip and, if I'm honest...it's not for me. The bit I saw was a little crude. I don't mean the language. I'm not scared of a bit of effing and jeffing. I mean crude in the sense it was made in a very simple or unskilled way, something moulded clumsily, that's loose, approximate, and rudely constructed. Gervais' comedy in Alley Cats seems effortless only in the sense that he makes very little effort. It sounds like he booked a recording studio, got a load of his top comedy pals in and recorded them talking bollocks to each other in 20 minute bursts. 

But, like I say, I haven't seen the series, just a couple of clips. Maybe viewed in its totality the series turns into fucking Tolstoy. I doubt it, though, and it has been getting remarkably bad reviews, including an absolute rinsing from that bastion of the arts, Metro. G B News didn't like it. GB News! That was a shoo in, surely? That's the target group, Ricky! I doubt Gervais cares. This was clearly made to be offensive and annoying and woefully unambitious. He's made his money and he has his fans. This is just flicking matches at the people who try to tell him off for not writing anything as good as The Office in the last quarter of a century. Which he hasn't, and why should he when he can just fling shit at his baying mob of fans and they'll greedily snuffle it up as long as he remains a totem of unchecked, magnificent libertarianism. 

Gervais' position is that it's just jokes and, if you're offended, you're just getting offended over talking cartoon cats, you woke saddo. It's all just a laugh to Ricky. It means nothing, just words, noises, his breath trampolining off his sprung tongue. The cats aren't even real, it's just a foolish house of kitty cards. It makes you wonder why, if he thinks its just meaningless drivel, why he would work so hard on it, putting together a crack team of actors he's already worked with on multiple occasions, drafting and redrafting, polishing that script like a turd you can see your face in. And then you watch the clips and think, yeah, he's right not to take it too seriously, as it's all just a big bag of bollocks. He's not spent ten minutes working on this. It's like he brushed his teeth too hard, spat at the page, and submitted it to Netflix, invoice attached. 

He has been working hard recently though, his trouser-seat kissing the sofas of every magazine show in the land, grinning his snaggle-toothed grin, honking his seal-house laugh, asking you to love his gang of poorly rendered, aggressively ugly cats. He's putting in a big shift after the fact, at least. 

It doesn't matter anyway. He's got an army of indiscriminate fans with union flags as their profile picture, who think swearing and owning the libs is the most brilliant, hilarious thing ever. Here's a few of the guys replying to the latest clip released on the Netflix Facebook page. 

"Imagine all the people offended by this brilliant animation."

"Swearing cats; funny. Next should be dogs swearing or a show about farm animals swearing. Swearing is so funny."

"Love it! David Earl just playing Kevin from Derek but as a cat  all the sex talking "

"Comedy is art and art is subjective. Seems to be a mixed bag of opinions. I certainly don't listen to professional critics. They're dull and and seem to deliberately have no sense of humour. As such, I'll give it a go."

"I'm not a comedy person but this HITS the spot!!" (This one's my favourite)

"You know the gimps on the left are going to hate it, discussion is their kryptonite."

"Noooooo that woman is in it. Voice kills me fml." (I think this is Diane Morgan they're talking about. What's wrong with Diane Morgan?)

"Nommater what character his voice is toed to his face" (No idea)

"Why aren't other nationalities like this? Because we don't have the Beechy Head White Cliffs of Dover for our neighbors?" (No idea)

"Is it as good as Derek? That was really good. Reminded me of GCSE drama lessons. Good memories." (also my favourite)"

Absolutely fantastic. Shows how shit humans are. And how amazing animals can be. Plus the swearing , made me laugh!

Been panned by the critics so it’s probably really good 

OMG cannot wait to watch this  snowflakes look away now!! 

Anyway, you get the idea. Swearing is good. Owning the libs is good. Humans are shit, animals are ace. Professional critics are dull and have no sense of humour. Usually there are people saying "I'd like to see a critic write something as good as Ricky can, but they can't and they're are just jealous and talentless and wished they had Ricky's money, the libtard cucks." And maybe there are, but I couldn't be arsed scrolling through the many hundreds of comments people wrote about this show before they'd seen it. 

A few teaser trailers have been released now, and they've all been magnificently shit. A rare miss from the King of Reading. Never mind, he'll bounce back. A new Netflix special in which he'll sip a beer, tell us how rich he is, and call the reviewer from Metro a cunt. Right back on top.