Who am I?

If you're ever in an existential crisis about WHO YOU ARE and WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING, Facebook's targeted advertising is going to be...well, quite confusing. 

Here's who Facebook thinks I am from just ten minutes of scrolling on my page. These are the things it thinks I'm interested in: 

Oak Furnitureland, Dr. Martens, TikTok, Dr. Martens, again, Fort Evergreen Pet and Playfarm, Belfast Carpet Cleaner, Create Academy ("Learn the ancient art of flower pressing with JamJar (?)"), Airbnb, Ikea, Branston pickle, Visit Portugal, Iceland Foods, 7 Up, Army Jobs, Renault, Navy London (seems to be t-shirts and not affiliated to the Armed Forces), Jess English Makeup with Garnier, Dettol UK, Crisis, British Red Cross, The Week Junior Science and Nature with the WWF, Castle Galleries ("About Gicles") and English Heritage. 

From this I can glean Facebook imagines me to be an outdoorsy, elderly squaddy, who wears make up and presses flowers, buys flat pack furniture and frozen food, wears nine hole boots while visiting ruined castles, drives a French car, Flosses (the dance not the tooth string), gives to charity, holidays in the Algarve and pets animals he doesn't own. 

Absolutely on the money. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, FACEBOOK.