So help me I will pull this car over...

Was checking out that debate there. Trump and Biden, two pensioners with joke shop vampire teeth - Trump's smile in particular is like a vicar's collar resting on an old Jack O' Lantern - squabbled and bickered for 90 minutes. It was like an eruption in a Post Office queue. Chris Wallace, the Fox journalist who allegedly moderated the debate, was a non-presence: a tiny, inadequate penis trapped between two mighty, crashing gonads. Trump's strategy was basically that of a wasp at a picnic: restless and persistent irritation. He did not shut up for the entirety of the 90 minutes, talking over Biden, over the moderator, over the lights and cameras, over the director's pulmonary embolism.  He said nothing of consequence - he never has - as his is a repertoire of threats, insinuations, lies, bluster and cheap shots. His only strategy was to put Biden off and his awe of the sanctity of his office was not sufficient to stop him trash talking his opponent's children, even the dead one. 

Its not a form of debate I've seen outside the playground. Rap battles have better defined rules of engagement than this. Biden for his part attempted to say things, probably the starts of all the sentences he intended to say, but he never got anywhere near the point. Seeing as he was going to get no help from the cardboard cut out moderating the event he was reduced to asking Trump to shut up and telling him he was the worst president that the States have ever had. Occasionally he broke the fourth wall and spoke directly to camera like an ancient and desiccated Ferris Bueller, while Ed Rooney bellowed his unceasing dementia in the background. Didn't politicians used to have advisers? I appreciate Trump seems to be uncoachable. Getting him to say one thing that hasn't formed directly on his tongue like saliva is like getting your goldfish to memorise Proust, but surely no one thought that this was a good idea. It was the sort of debate usually brought to a conclusion by threatening to pull the car over and giving you something to cry about, so help me. 

The Leader of the Free World is now Nelson Muntz, saying "I know you are but what am I" to every question put to him and adding "ha ha" to statements about Biden's son being a drug addict. This was a fucking disgrace. And the worst thing is that Trump's performance will speak to his base (some might say he speaks out of his base). They'll like him. They'll think he's cool. They'll think he's done good. He's like an adolescent power fantasy for disenfranchised high school bullies. Look at him shutting down that smart guy. Getting one over on that woolly liberal gun thief. Hey poindexter, you just got a paddling on live TV. And so did that four eyed nerd trying to "moderate" proceedings. There is no moderation when the big dog's in the room. Who cares if he's massively disrespectful. Who cares if he's obnoxious and bellicose. You know who else was? Jesus. 

During the debate President of the United States, Donald Trump so convincingly failed to disavow white supremacists that white supremacists, the Proud Boys, called his comments "historic" and "an endorsement". Today Donald doesn't know who the Proud Boys are. Sure thing. Why not? Words are just mouth farts. They have no value. They don't mean anything. This debate might just as easily have been decided by the the guys putting their hands under their arms and seeing who can make the loudest quacking noises with their pits. Even then I think Biden would edge it - Trump looks like a sweater. 

This debate was meaningless. You might as well have filmed two dogs barking in the park. American politics seem so entrenched now that surely there can't be any swing voters left. Everybody has already decided. This sprawling, sweaty mess was a repugnant waste of everybody's time. Though you can bet that Trump thought he done good. And nobody told him otherwise.